Two of our best friends are getting married in August (they met in AA). However a few weeks ago at the bride's 30th birthday she disappeared to the bathroom for 2 hours drinking and had to be carried up to their apartment later. She confessed that for the past 2 years+ she has secretly been drinking, while still attending AA, lying to her sponsor and lying to her fiance! At first her fiance was pissed, but now only 2 weeks later he's brushing it under the rug against all advice from her sponsor. He still drinks and doesn't think he has a problem. The entire wedding party is getting together tomorrow night to discuss how we're all feeling... Any advice would be appreciated!
Asked by Anonymous
Dr. Drew’s Answer
This is a very challenging situation. I salute the wedding party for caring so much about the Bride and Groom; as well as for supporting one another so thoroughly. Certainly you should do as you think best. What to do in cases like this has far too many variables for me to responsibly address, especially without having the opportunity to examine the individuals in question.
I would urge you to remember that you cannot force someone to embrace a program of recovery. And individual decisions about whom to marry and when, are highly personal. Of course, there are always healthier choices, and I wish I could mandate only the healthiest choices for every individual but none of us can nor should claim that authority. Though this story is a reminder that you are as sick as your secrets.
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